Happy New Year!
I am so disconnected with time, that I thought yesterday
was the first day of the year.
I am so inside of myself
that I am completely behind and no further ahead.
I began reflecting on my life on my birthday
Who am I and want I need to change to be a better me.
I wanted to pick a word for the new year…
a word to remind myself of what I want to be.
A reflection of what is sacred.
God(dess), Creator, Higher Power…
Whatever it is that decided my life was worth a chance.
As is usual of me (and something I hope to change)
I over thought.
What would that word be?
I thought about REAL.
That is a good word.
Then I remembered the Velveteen Rabbit.
To be real, somebody must love you.
But people do love me…at least parts of me.
I realized that I have different facets of me that I share,
to ensure that love.
I also saw how close the words
facet and facade are…hmmm…
back to over thinking.
How about Authentic ?
That’s really Real!
Hard to do though, if you aren’t sure which parts of you are real
and which you’ve made up
just to be loved.
Ooooh…what about CONNECTED ?
Connect my mind, body and spirit.
And connect with everyone else with that whole person!!!
I found my word! Hooray!!!
WAIT. ONE. MINUTE.
How am I going to be connected?
Sure, I believe in magic and angels and faeries and
I even believe in myself…mostly.
But how was I going to be magically connected and whole
just because I say it is so?
OMG!!! Back to rethinking.
It is the very end of the year (or possibly the start of the new)
I am almost panicking…and reprimanding myself for panicking
and for trying to make sense of anything when quite obviously, I don’t know a thing…and scolding myself for thinking mean thoughts about me….
AAARRRGH! A normal person would feel crazy after a day in my head.
I was busy in my studio when it came to me.
Like a whisper.
That is my word.
It is the way to my purpose.
I have faith that it is.
She is new.
(And TALL…2 and a half feet.)
I also realized
I shared the video on Facebook,
but not at this spot…so